One Sorry Blog

Santa Barbarans in Buenos Aires ‘thrilled to bits’ that the Herald finally printed something worth reading.

One Sorry Blog News Service

Buenos Aires - Santa Barbaran Ryan Spilborghs, whose father once loaned the life artist Bubba Ray Robison $1 to buy a hot dog at the Little League field which the latter never repaid, finally made the Buenos Aires Herald Tuesday.

Starting in right field for the Colorado Rockies, Spilborghs, “homered twice and drove in a career-high six runs,” as described in the Herald. The usually worthless English-language newspaper went on to say that, “Spilborghs hit a solo homer off Baltimore starter Erik Bedard in the fourth, then stroked a two-run single the next inning to snap a 1-all tie. He capped his career day with a three-run blast off reliever John Parrish in the seventh.”

Clare Nisbet, who attended The High with Spilborghs, said, “Are you kidding me? Two jacks? Are you kidding me? And he’s not even on the juice!”

Paul Rivas had been scouring the Herald’s baseball coverage for the last 16 months, hoping to see Spilborghs’ name.

“It’s exceedingly rare that there be anything worth reading in the Herald,” said Rivas. “And that a real Santa Barbaran like Spilborghs, who played in the Goleta Valley South Little League and went to Santa Barbara High and UCSB, be so deservingly celebrated in this horseshit newspaper is just awesome. Usually, Clare buys the paper for the crossword and throws the rest away, and who can blame her?”

Around the Buenos Aires desk of One Sorry Blog, Ryan Spilborghs is unanimously agreed to be the ‘nicest guy ever’.

“I worked with the baseball team when he had that 35-game hitting streak in his sophomore year at UCSB,” remembered Rivas, “and in the middle of the streak, when he could have been stomping around like a madman, trying to get into the zone, he offered to lend me a glove so that I could shag batting practice.”