One Sorry Blog

Hey! Where Did That Elevator Shaft Come From?
Characters we really don’t miss after being written off the show.

Actors have it tough. Okay, that’s not entirely true; unsuccessful actors have it tough. Successful actors have maybe the cushiest lifestyle known to man. This is why I find it so fascinating when actors, finally basking in the success of a popular show, manage to screw it up. Whether it’s a DUI charge in Hawaii or a defamatory remark made backstage at the Golden Globes, I guarantee you, where there’s a successful show, there’s an actor one drink too many away from being written off. Sometimes it’s sad to see characters that you really like leave (Dr. Romano on ER!), but then there are times when it’s the best thing the writers could have done. The following is a list of three characters whose death or departure I cheered rather than mourned.

Ana-Lucia-Lost
Could Michele Rodriguez be more annoying? She plays the same character in every movie she’s ever been in, and yes, that includes Blue Crush. The whole “Ana-From-The-Block” thing got really old, really fast and the character brought absolutely NOTHING to the show beyond saving all of us from the ill-conceived Shannon-Sayid relationship. Although the producers denied that Rodriguez’s DUI charge had anything to do with her character being written off the show, I don’t buy it. I think she was skating on thin ice and the drunken driving charge was the straw that broke the camel’s back. In my opinion, it’s not a coincidence that the one season with Ana-Lucia was BY FAR the worst season of Lost, and at least for this viewer, her death was welcomed.

Dr Burke – Grey’s Anatomy
Well this was one of the more bizarre celebrity side stories of the year. Isaiah Washington goes to rehab, not because of drugs, not because of alcohol, but because he has a big mouth and a bad temper. Maybe instead of rehab, he should have gone back to kindergarten to learn not to call people names, especially not derogatory homophobic names. I’m happy that Isaiah Washington is no longer on Grey’s Anatomy simply because I don’t want to have to hear about this story anymore! At this point, it’s a little early to decide if the show will be better or worse for the decision but if it means putting the final nail in the Isaiah-Washington-Verbal-Diarrhea fiasco, then I’m ALL for it.

Terri Bauer-24
When I first started watching 24, I looked up the name of the actress playing Teri Bauer on IMDB to try and figure out which producer she was married to because I could not believe that she had been cast in that role by merit. First of all, she looked about 5 years older than her “daughter”. Secondly, she was just plain terrible! You have to be a pretty bad actress to not have any chemistry with Kiefer Sutherland. There’s nothing that frustrates me more than an actor who is given EVERYTHING to work with (a good cast, a great script, killer concept) and yet manages to do NOTHING with it. Thank GOD the writers decided to make Jack Bauer a little more complicated by killing his wife. Teri Bauer’s memory has much more of an impact on the show than the actress playing her ever could.

Let’s Hear It For The Boys

By Julie Nisbet

I love the Eighties. Although I am more a product of the nineties since my formative teenage years occurred during that decade (flannel shirts anyone?), I still hold a candle for the decade of power ballads, side pony tails, shoulder pads, snap bracelets, mall rats and most importantly, cheesy romantic comedies. One thing I love about TV these days is that it has afforded some of my favorite 80s actors a medium to break into super stardom. The following is a list of my favorite 80s actors that have resurrected their careers, or completely redefined their legacy through the small screen rather than the silver screen.

 Patrick “McDreamy” Dempsey

Before Grey’s Anatomy came along I don’t think many people had any idea who Patrick Dempsey was. Of the people that knew who he was, a lot remembered him only as Reese Witherspoon’s sweet faced fiancé from Sweet Home Alabama or from his 3 episode stint as Will’s boyfriend on Will and Grace. The true 80’s nuts out there will always know him as Ronnie Miller from Can’t Buy Me Love. It’s hard to believe but for almost 20 years, McDreamy’s most famous role was as a geeky teenager who bribed the popular girl in school to pretend to go out with him. Thanks to the overwhelming popularity of one of the most unrealistic medical shows in television history Patrick will now be remembered as second only to George Clooney in the TV Doctor with the best hair category. Oh yeah, and for being a pretty good actor too.

Kiefer “I Can Play a Good Guy Too!” Sutherland

I love Jack Bauer. You would think that his intense, half whisper would get annoying, but it doesn’t. You would think that his saving the president, world and universe several times over would get annoying, but it doesn’t. You would think that after 6 seasons, I would have developed some sort of aversion to the excessive use of the line “I did what I had to do” as a moral justification for torture, but I haven’t. The main reason I love Jack Bauer though, is because that character has made me realize just how much I love Kiefer Sutherland. To be honest, I’ve always been afraid of Kiefer because of his tendency to play bad guys. But then, all of a sudden, he takes the role of Jack Bauer, conflicted family man and serial bad ass. I love that he’s the only guy who can get away with breaking the rules, I love that his biggest weakness is his love of the ladies, and most importantly, I love that Jack Bauer has redefined Kiefer’s legacy as more than just the scary guy.

Jason “Teen Wolf Too” Bateman

Before Arrested Development, Jason Bateman was on his way to becoming a “never quite has been.” He did flirt with success, mostly based on the fact that he was Justine Bateman’s brother and had some supporting roles in which he was hilarious (The Sweetest Thing, Dodgeball anyone?), but it wasn’t until Arrested Development that he really broke out into true stardom. Part of the reason I like Arrested Development so much is that it’s the show that keeps on giving. The humor is so subtle that it truly gets funnier the more you watch it. Each episode is like watching a 30 minute Wes Anderson movie. Unfortunately, the average American doesn’t like to use their brain when they watch TV, so while the critics loved it, the ratings never picked up. Jason Bateman was the cornerstone of this groundbreaking show, and thankfully, he will now be remembered for more than some cheesy 80’s TV shows, and surfing on top of a van in a werewolf costume.

Jeremy “Not Just John Cusack’s Sidekick Anymore” Piven

Jeremy Piven grew up with John Cusack, and spent the better part of 2 decades playing his sidekick. You probably didn’t even realize it, but he’s in pretty much every John Cusack movie ever made. Thanks to a little show called Entourage, the secret is out. Jeremy Piven is hilarious. Sure, those of us lucky enough to have seen PCU knew this for years, but now instead of being remembered in the ranks of Clint Howard, he’s getting the credit he deserves as one of the funniest comedic actors of our time. Tell you friends to watch Entourage, and don’t forget to “hug it out.”

Simple TV for Simple Minds - Shows to Watch When You’re Sick
By Julie Nisbet

Since I’m writing this week’s edition of Network TV Slut through a haze of Sudafed and Nyquil, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about my favorite shows to watch when I’m not feeling well. Call it the chicken soup of TV. The following shows will not upset your stomach, will help soothe an aching head by not forcing you to think, and will generally ease you into your cold-medicine-induced slumber with their non-controversial plot lines.

3. The Disney Channel
Yes, I said it, The Disney Channel. Sometimes, you just want to go back to a simpler time, especially when you feel like crap, and this is the place to do it. It’s really refreshing to watch TV shows where the main characters are dealing with sibling rivalries, the cute eighth grader they have a crush on and breaking their curfew, rather than cheating husbands, black smoke monsters and sex offenders. Okay, you might have to pull your blinds down so that none of your neighbors see that you’re watching it, but you also might be surprised at the therapeutic effect of a good episode of Even Stevens.

2. Any ABC/FOX/Family Channel made-for-TV movie
If you haven’t checked out these movies while under the weather, you’re missing out on a GOLDEN opportunity. When else do you have an excuse to spend two hours watching pure bubble gum for the mind that most of us secretly enjoy. Trust me, it’s impossible to justify watching I Want to Marry Ryan Banks, starring Jason Priestley as an uber-famous movie star (HA!) struggling to find true love on a reality TV show, unless you’re drinking some serious cough syrup.

1. Reruns of any NBC comedy that was popular during the late 90s and once aired on Thursday nights, such as Friends and Will and Grace
Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy each and every one of these shows, but controversial and thought-provoking they are not. They all have generally the same premise (i.e. twenty-something New Yorkers living in huge, beautiful apartments they realistically couldn’t afford) and the story lines require very little concentration. In addition, a lot of the humor is in the physical/obvious realm, perfect for a foggy head that needs some cheering up. Even someone in a coma could find the humor in Jack pushing his son off the dance floor at Junior High Prom to steal the moment with his Justin Timberlake “Dirty Pop” impression. It’s the vanilla of comedy, and it’s perfect for when you’re not quite up to snuff.

The Top Five Reasons You Should Be Watching Lost Again
By Julie Nisbet

I don’t normally devote these bi-weekly diatribes to any one show. As I’ve said before, I’m a network TV slut, not a network TV serial monogamist. But this week is different. This week, I’m going to honor the best comeback of the season just in time for its season finale tonight at 10pm. So, without further ado, here are the top five reasons you should be watching Lost again.

*Warning, there are some spoilers lying ahead for anyone who stopped caring about this show as soon as Echo was killed by the black smoke monster. Oh, I guess that was kind of a spoiler too. Oh well, if you didn’t see that death scene, it was as ridiculous as it sounds.

Okay, NOW without any further ado, are the top five reasons you should be watching Lost again.

5. Because they’re tying up loose ends and giving us some answers instead of constantly introducing new mysteries.
Even if these answers are things that true fans have suspected/predicted for years, it’s nice to get some official resolution. In the past ten episodes, we’ve learned that Clare and Jack are half-siblings, why Clare was kidnapped, how Locke became paralyzed, just how big of a liar Ben actually is and that Locke’s dad was the original Sawyer. Although I still don’t know anything about the damned polar bear, and 4-8-15-16-23-42 mean as much to me now as they did at the end of Season 1, at least I have some peace of mind rather than constant frustration.

4. Because, as embarrassing as it is to admit it, I’m honestly scared again.
I first started watching Lost during summer reruns after its first season (once again, I was late getting on the bandwagon). I would do my laundry and watch Lost. The laundry room at my old apartment was across a dark parking lot, in a creepy dark end unit next to a dark forest with cougars and lions. Okay, the lions and cougars part isn’t true, and it was in downtown Santa Barbara not Twin Peaks, but it was still dark and scary at night! I almost left my laundry in the dryer a few times because I was scared of Lostzilla jumping out of the bushes at me. Now, I’m not that hard to scare, so it’s saying something that I haven’t been too scared to go outside while watching this show since Season 1. That was until last week. We all knew Charlie wasn’t going to die, and we also knew that when he popped up in that underwater hatch, there was no way he would be alone. But awareness didn’t make it any less nerve wracking. I shocked even myself when I covered my eyes in pathetic fear. With that instinctive (and embarrassing) move, I regained my respect for the writers and my faith in the show.

3. Because even the lame filler episodes are being tied back in.
With all the unsolved mysteries, we really don’t have time for yet ANOTHER Hurley episode about his bad luck. We get it – he won the lottery, he has bad luck, I REALLY DON’T CARE ANYMORE! I think the writers thought that if the episode co-starred Cheech, and gave us a break from Jack’s incessant crying, we would be happy. Well, I wasn’t, and that fateful episode was almost the nail in the coffin for me. But then, last week, in a seemingly boring scene reemphasizing that everyone on the island has daddy issues, they showed us that Roger Workman was in fact Ben’s dad!! Okay, it doesn’t make up for wasting an episode on Hurley and Cheech, but at least I’m being rewarded for watching it.

2. Desmond and Juliet.
I love these characters. Desmond is Scottish. Enough said. Plus he keeps having visions of Charlie dying. While I would prefer it if Charlie ACTUALLY died, I’ll take what I can get. Juliet has evolved into the most interesting character on the show. She’s even making the Jack, Kate, Sawyer love triangle almost interesting, and that’s hard to do.

1. Because there’s an end in sight!
ABC recently announced that Lost will only run for three more seasons! Some Lostaholics are upset by the impending cancellation but in my opinion, mediocre ratings are the best thing that could have happened to this show. The countdown has begun! The writers officially have 49 more episodes to explain the damned polar bear, and every other stupid mystery that was trotted out during their “We’re number 1 in the Nielsen ratings and will never be cancelled” phase. Note to the Lost writers: Your days are numbered! Get on with the explaining! And no more polar bears!

The Best Shows I Wasn’t Watching
By Julie Nisbet

I have never claimed to be a trendsetter. In fact, most of the time, I miss the bandwagon completely, and enjoy trends several years after they have gone out of fashion. Unfortunately, this applies to my TV watching as well, and some of my favorite shows became my favorite shows because of DVD box sets, iTunes downloads and the invention of Tivo. Part of me feels guilty about this, because I know that TV shows live and die by advertising dollars which are directly correlated to viewership. The other part of me really enjoys watching some of the best shows on TV without commercial interruption. So here it is folks, my three favorite shows which I have never watched in their regularly scheduled timeslot.

1. Arrested Development
I think I originally rented Season 1, Disc 1 after watching Dodgeball for the umpteenth time and realizing, once again, the extent to which Jason Bateman steals the movie. I really wanted to see Pepper in a different role, and when I went to the video store, Teen Wolf Too was checked out. I meandered on over to the TV section, and Season 1, Disc 1 turned into a three-day marathon of non-stop Arrested Development. I can’t do this show justice by trying to explain just how original and funny it was. The loss of Arrested Development was truly tragic, and I feel partially responsible because I didn’t discover its hilarity until after it had been cancelled due to low ratings.

2. 24
I still don’t watch this show during prime time because I’m only on Season 4 but I don’t feel as guilty because, clearly, it has enough viewers. I actually have to pace myself when I rent the DVDs because if I get too many at once, I literally wouldn’t sleep for 24 hours. It’s THAT addictive. Yes, it’s slightly cheesy, yes, Jack Bauer has saved the world in 24 hours several times over, but you know what, suspend disbelief for a few hours (or 24) and just enjoy it for what it is: a unique, fun, suspenseful and entertaining take on the serial drama. Plus, in how many other shows does the main character come back from the summer hiatus addicted to heroin? Oops…I hope you’ve already seen Season 3.

3. Scrubs
I was only introduced to Scrubs when I moved into my sister’s (Dr Lynnabelle) old house earlier this year. When Lynn moved out, she left me with her DVR because my Tivo was being held hostage at my old apartment. Since I knew I would eventually get my Tivo back, and along with it my regularly scheduled programming, I didn’t take the time to reprogram Lynn’s DVR, and instead watched whatever she had on there. It became abundantly clear that being a TV Slut doesn’t run in the family, as this amounted to episodes of Law and Order SVU, the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and Scrubs. Period. While I desperately missed my daily recordings of Friends, Gilmore Girls, Beverly Hills 90210 and Saved by the Bell, I embraced the opportunity and watched some Scrubs. Scrubs is now officially my favorite hospital show on TV, which is saying a lot for an admitted Grey’s Anatomy addict. I thought I had once again completely missed the bandwagon as there were rumors that this year would be the final season of Scrubs. The most recent reports state that Scrubs will be back for a seventh and final season next year. Mark my words, I’m learning from my Arrested Development mistakes, and tuning in…well, maybe I’ll just Tivo it.

The Yankee Influence
By Julie Nisbet

I was raised on British humour. Actually, scratch that, I was raised on Scottish humour, which is undeniably funnier than English humour, but for argument’s sake, we’ll just wrap all of the jokes originating from the United Kingdom, under the banner of “British Humour.” It’s hard to describe British humour and I’m not even going to try. I just know that the shit is funny and I also know that whenever the Brits come up with a groundbreaking funny show, American producers are lined up around the block, waiting to pounce. Now, very occasionally, this idea works, and the American version of the show isn’t that bad. But in my opinion, the vast majority of the time, the American version is so much worse than the British version that I just don’t understand why they do it. So here it is folks, my top 3 British TV shows that were transformed into an unwatchable American equivalent.

3. Whose Line Is It Anyway?
It’s true, white people love Wayne Brady, but the American show just doesn’t measure up to the original. Although the producers kept some of the original British cast (albeit, the American and the Canadian) and generally kept the same format, they made a couple of major mistakes. The first was that they didn’t realize that you can’t get away with the same jokes on ABC that you can get away with on Channel 4; the FCC just won’t allow it and the humor suffered because of it. The second mistake…Drew Carey. Oh, Drew Carey! I know that it was probably his idea to Americanize the show, and that’s why he was allowed to be involved in it, but he really shouldn’t have been. Clive Anderson’s dry, sarcastic, unscripted comments were a huge part of what made the show hilarious. Very few people could have filled his seat. Drew Carey didn’t, and shouldn’t have tried.

2. Coupling
I would like to know who thought making an American version of a British TV show that was a remake of an American show would be a good idea. Coupling was a British knockoff of Friends and, honestly, it wasn’t that funny in the first place. Most of the jokes that were funny were too risqué for American audiences (see FCC regulations above), so seriously, whose idea was it and do you still have your job?

1. The Office
I’m having a hard time with this one because I like the American version but how can you have an article about the American influence on British television without mentioning The Office? Yes, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, yes, Steve Carrell is funny, yes they’ve finally figured out that word for word translation of the British show isn’t a good idea, but it’s just not the same. Nothing will ever compare to the hilarity of Tim putting Gareth’s stapler into a jelly mold (that’s Jell-O for my American readers), or “Gareth Keenan Investigates” or David Brent’s inspirational speech. If you like the American show, seriously, don’t watch the British one. It will just ruin it for you. RUIN it I say because although John Krasinski looks uncannily like Martin Freeman, Jim ain’t got nothing on Tim.

Women also found to watch Sex and the City to exhaustion and talk too much.

One Sorry Blog News Service

Buenos Aires - For one man, sharing a two-bedroom, one-bath apartment with three women has been a learning experience.

“The first thing I learned is that chicks read in the bathroom, too, just like dudes,” said Paul Rivas, the outnumbered male in question.

No sooner had Rivas shut the door behind him Monday morning, fearing he’d forgotten his book on the dining room table, than he spied People magazine lying right there in the bidet. Not exactly Felipe Pigna, but a revelation nonetheless. Rivas had long believed women didn’t read in the bathroom and struggled with the wherefors of this. Although Rivas has shared living quarters with women in the past, he states to have never seen such blatant displays of on-toilet reading, and attributes the irrefutable evidence to the 3-1 majority of women to men.

“Apparently, simply being the majority worldwide isn’t enough to drive women to read on the can,” mused Rivas, who added that he has lived with one of the women for more than a year and would not describe her as a bathroom reader. “But put three women in a house with only one guy, and they’re reading.”

Another shocker for Rivas was that women cease to bother making their beds when living in numbers. His aforementioned companion makes the couple’s bed daily as if she was Sergeant Slaughter, and continues to do so, but the other two girls, who say they make their own beds when living alone, have yet to even flinch at their own or each other’s unmade beds.

“It’s a kind of mutual tolerance of sloth that I hadn’t anticipated,” said Rivas, “and it has a snowball effect. Like the hair thing. There’s hair everywhere now. Clare always leaves hair everywhere, but three times the women leave not three but nine times the hair.”

No stranger to living in sub-impeccable environments, Rivas, who once shared an apartment with Ian McAvoy for an entire year, claimed to not be bothered by the nest of female slovenliness in which he is currently ensconced. Instead, it was “all the talking and Sex and the City” that has had him “climbing up the walls”.

According to Rivas, not only do the girls watch Sex and the City from start to finish, as opposed to the five minutes at a time he can stand it, but they become engrossed in the show to such a point that begin to discuss it as though they were professors and the show a scholarly work. That the three girls are from Santa Barbara and none of them has ever been to New York has a negligible effect on how much they watch or have to say about the show.

“There was a time when I only watched Sex and the City,” Jenny Fickert said without a hint of regret.

“Are you kidding?” Clare Nisbet chimed in. “When Paul’s not around, I watch Sex and the City like it’s my job. Which it kind of is, I guess, I mean at least this way I can pretend I have girlfriends who talk about stuff like this. Paul never wants to talk about anything but his sorry-ass blog.”

As for all the talking, when Fickert and Nisbet aren’t watching Sex and the City, Fickert is asking Nisbet what she should wear. Nisbet, rather than ending the conversation then and there with a ‘Wear what you dig’, as Rivas would, seizes the opportunity to answer a question about which she clearly doesn’t give two hoots, grateful for the opportunity to speak out loud on any topic at all, however inane.

“Her answer started with ‘Wear whatever you’ll be comfortable in…’” Rivas shuddered. “That was probably all she had to say about what Jenny should wear, but surely she kept talking. I don’t know though, because I shut my brain off at that point.”

Lately, when Sarah Howell isn’t watching Sex and the City, she’s been asking Nisbet how the latter has been feeling. Rivas acknowledged that Nisbet has been suffering from a tubercular cough, that her nose is raw from blowing it (even with ultra-soft tissue), that her camera had been stolen and that she has worn herself out entertaining visitors in the last two months, and that this is exactly the reason that asking her ‘How are you feeling?’ is a waste of four words.

“She’s feeling shitty, and having to say so just makes her throat hurt. Why would someone ask this?”

Clearly, Rivas still has a lot to learn about sharing space with women.

Obama, Rudy and Doolittle
By Ace Cummins

With College Hoops season over and still weeks before I suggest laying some Benjamins down on the NBA, we are amidst the doldrums of gaming, so I thought it would be fun to share some betting propositions with non-sports fans who read One Sorry Blog. You see, whatever your area of expertise, whatever your vice, you can bet on it. Politics, entertainment, snooker, cards, whatever, you can bet on it.

In the realm of politics and entertainment, the big items on the board these days are the 2008 U.S. Presidential election, and the one-and-only American Idol. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Read on at your own risk. I am not responsible for any wagering done on the props below.

Politics
Odds to Win the 2008 U.S. Presidential Election
A Democrat -155
A Republican +125

Good news for us Progressives. Of course, I will not be surprised if Democratic strategists completely blow the generous head start W has provided, but it’s nice to know Vegas thinks we can do it.

I just realized that some of you may not understand what the betting numbers mean. I will lay it out in simple terms: if you bet on the Donkeys to win at -155, you will need to wager $155 to win $100 (i.e. $15.50 to win $10, etc.). If you bet on the GOP, then for every $100 you wager, you will win $125. Dems are fairly heavy favorites right now.

Odds to win the 2008 Democratic Primary
H. Clinton +135
B. Obama +185
J. Edwards +500
A. Gore +600
B. Richardson +1200
J. Biden +3000
Three at +5000

Clinton is still the favorite, but Obama has closed the gap as of late (good news for OSB founder and Obama supporter Paul Rivas). These numbers are not likely to change much until actual primary votes are cast, but you never know when someone will do something stoopid. Unless you have a favorite that you really think will have the goods down the stretch or you like a longshot to make a move, you will likely get the same odds a year from now.

Odds to Win the 2008 Republican Primary
R. Giuliani +185
M. Romney +275
J. McCain +350
F. Thompson +600
Many longshots

John McCain has officially hit the skids, and people are finally catching on to the fact that he is batshit insane. Once a favorite, even Mitt Romney is starting to pull away from him. Crazy. The Dems should start strategizing how to beat the former NYC Mayor, because I think he’ll win. He has to against that group, right? Sigh.

Entertainment
Now for some “lighter” odds: American Idol. Whether you watch it or not, it is a phenomenon.

Headed into this week’s ousting of Haley “Short Shorts” Scarnato, the odds were as such:

Odds to win 2007 American Idol
M. Doolittle -150
J. Sparks +200
B. Lewis +350
L. Jones +400
Sanjaya +650
C. Richardson +1700
P. Stacey +2700
H. Scarnato +4000

The odds at the bottom were spot on according to the bottom three this week, right? So you figure the top must be dead on, too. But the tides change quickly. Not too long ago, Lakisha was the favorite, and she has suddenly hit some hard times, falling back to fourth. Melinda is a heavy favorite, maybe too heavy. She is good, but can she really win a final showdown? Now might be a good time to lay some cash down on Sparks, Lewis or Jones. For the love of god, not Sanjaya. We’ll see how the new odds shape up when they are released.

Notes: Headed into last year’s semifinals, Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks were sitting on 4-to-1 and 10-to-1 odds, respectively. They both cruised to the finals. Money can be made here, folks. You never thought you would get paid for watching that show, did you?

Questions, comments, love letters, hate mail, recipes, money and DIY tips can be sent to ace.osb@gmail.com.

Ace Cummins: 7-3 overall, 3-0 on 5-Star picks.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
By Julie Nisbet

It might come as a surprise to some to learn that although I am a self-admitted TV Slut, I haven’t had many long-term relationships with TV shows. But then again, I’m a TV Slut, not a TV Serial Monogamist. It’s a big deal for me to commit to watching a show at the same time every week, and it’s hard not to be bitter when those relationships end badly.

Some of my TV break-ups were just sad, abrupt and unexplained: Arrested Development, My So Called Life, how I miss you so. But with others, something just changed. My shows became something I didn’t recognize anymore. Those are the hardest to let go. When do you throw in the towel and admit to yourself that the characters and plot lines you fell in love with aren’t the same anymore?

In no particular order, and in true Nick Hornby style, here are the top 3 all-time worst break-ups of my TV watching career.

3. Saved by the Bell
Some would argue that this was never a “good” show, but I LOVED it. I still sport a Bayside Tigers T-shirt that my sister bought for me, and I still love Zach Morris, but sometimes, I just have to wonder, “What happened?” I tried to stick with it. I suffered through the Tori years, telling myself that the Zach/Tori love affair could somehow compare to the Zach/Kelly years. But then came The College Years, The New Class, The New Class with Screech and Mr. Belding… Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I broke it off. Thankfully, I can still relive the glory years by watching reruns on TBS and the beauty that is DVD box sets: Hot Sundae, dance-offs at The Max, Jesse’s father’s wedding in Palm Springs and using fake IDs to get into The Attic. Hot.

2. Dawson’s Creek
Maybe it was because when this show started, I was a sophomore in high school, as were Dawson, Joey, Pacey and Jen. Maybe it was because my friends and I were obsessed with Joshua “warm ears” Jackson ever since having a Mighty Ducks marathon at my house several years prior. For whatever reason, I fell in love with Dawson’s before the pilot even aired. We had a good run. I loved this show solidly for 3.5 seasons, tuning in every Wednesday at 9pm. But then, suddenly, and with only a few episodes left in Season 4, Pacey and Joey broke up. With that breakup went the chemistry that was keeping the show together, and everything started falling apart. Suddenly, every male character ever introduced to the show fell in love with Joey. Then they introduced Audrey, Joey’s obnoxious roommate, who became Pacey’s love interest?! Like he would stoop SO low. Then, the writers started ripping off story lines from sub-par Giovanni Ribisi movies, and with that came the dreaded Pacey goatee. All I can say is that I’m glad I got out when I did and I don’t know why they even bothered making DVD box sets of the final 2 seasons.

1. Lost
I’m still casually dating Lost. It has a place on my Tivo and I check in every now and then, but the passion is gone. I very much would like the writers to pull it out of the downward spiral it’s been in since the beginning of season 2, but it’s not looking good. I could go on for pages about how I feel about the writers being slaves to formats, introducing new characters when we already can’t keep track of the ones we have, boring storylines, and so many loose ends that I can’t even keep track of them, but instead, all I will say is, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Top Five Reasons to Watch March Madness on CBS
By Julie Nisbet

The Network TV Slut is taking a break from her regularly scheduled programming and telling you why 24 is the best show on television to inform you of the top five reasons to watch March Madness on CBS.

5. For all you office-bound folk trying to master One Sorry Blog’s Art of Faking Work: the ALT + TAB option in Windows, along with 30-second updates on ESPN.com, now allows us quick access to the games ALL day long, while still giving the appearance of working hard on your TPS Reports. Fill out a bracket, shell out 5 bucks to enter your office pool, and seriously, Thursday and Friday at work have never gone faster. There are games on ALL day, scores are constantly being updated, and you can quickly switch back to that report the second you hear your boss’s squeaky shoes. Don’t forget to fill out the bracket though. When #12 Arkansas upsets the #5 Trojans in the first round, it won’t mean as much unless you have money at stake.

4. The new NBA rule that has kept Greg Oden, Kevin Durant and all those other amazingly talented 18-year-olds out of the pros this year. It’s true that many people think this rule has ruined college basketball, because these kids don’t go to class, drag down graduation rates (not that Ohio State’s could be much lower), and generally couldn’t care less about whatever school they’re going to. Regardless of whether it’s a good or bad thing, they make for incredibly entertaining basketball and this year’s freshman class is a reason to tune in this March.

3. For those of you who aren’t so keen on the basketball aspect of March Madness but don’t mind a little eye candy, take a break from drooling over Jack Bauer and Tony Almeda, and check out the tall, good looking, and uber-athletic boys of the NCAA. Sounds like a pretty good reason to watch if you ask me.

2. Because the NBA, NFL, MLB and NHL combined have nothing on Adam Morrison hitting himself in the head with a basketball four times and then crying like a baby at center court after losing to UCLA. You can’t buy intensity like that. That, my friends, is something that only comes with good old American school spirit and watching that intensity sure beats spending yet another hour watching Lost and wondering if the writers will EVER explain the damn polar bear. You won’t find it in any professional sport either. Kobe isn’t going to risk messing up his million-dollar face by smacking himself with a basketball. Why do you think he didn’t go to college?

And finally…the #1 reason you should watch March Madness…

Because Ohio State is overrated, and there is nothing sweeter, after yet another disappointing season for the Wolverines, than to watch an overrated #1 Buckeye team get taken down by an underdog. Seeing this happen twice in three months, in two different sports, will be priceless. Let’s just hope no one gets hurt in the first minute for celebrating an early 3-pointer.